Happy Holidays, folks.
I can't say 'Merry Christmas' because some of you aren't Christian and it might hurt your religious/atheist (pick one) sensibilities. At least that's what politically correct liberal secularists tell me.
For the same reason, I can't say 'Id Mubarak,' 'Happy Diwali.' or 'Happy Hanukkah' since some of you *are* Christian.
I should spare a thought for those of you who may not even be having holidays. So let me rephrase my greeting: HAPPY DAYS.
This greeting could catch on because it works for every occasion, and non-occasion. Hallmark is gonna have fits. (Note to self: call broker, short Hallmark).
And this greeting works for everyone; surely, we all want Happy Days. The trick to World Peace is everyone wanting Happy Days for everyone else and willing to work towards that end, whether you buy the other guy's beliefs or not.
All I know is: I care for your well-being, I care only that you are good people, and that I have been—and can continue to count on being—a grateful recipient of your kindness and trust. So I wish you Happy Days, my Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Atheist and those-who-find-religion-when-the-market's-going-against-them friends. Happy Days.
The following is from Charlie Brown Christmas - Performed by the Cast of Scrubs
Buckle up, Charlies, I'll tell you what Christmas is all about. Here's the deal newbies:
You can stuff your stockings with shinny little things from now till you grow testicles but until that stocking is filled with love and devotion, well, it's just plum empty.
And no, you can't purchase those things at Bora Ashley, and, no, you can't win them in the Redbook Giveaway Extravaganza, and, gee, I'm sorry these aren't things you can wind-up and watch spin for eight hours.
Let me make this exceptionally clear: Christmas is about love. You can't live without other people's love. Not during Christmas, not ever.
So go spend that time with your friends and family. And if they laugh at you, laugh with 'em. And if they laugh again, hit 'em and go find some new friends. But for the love of God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph and is techni-colored dream coat, don't ever, ever forget this, newbie: you have to give love to get love. So start givin'. Now.