March 9, 2017

Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.” -Ursula K. Le Guin, author.

Wa and I have been married 25 years today. I can't imagine anyone else who could've put up with my idiosyncratic ways. To be fair to myself, I've been pretty good at putting up with her ways too.

It almost feels as if we were made for each other—soulmates, as they say. But really, it feels like that the way a magic performance, if it's done well, feels like a display of magic.

Thinking about it, it's clear that nothing was "meant to be." We made it be. We worked at it by being respectful, considerate, forgiving and quietly insistent where necessary; as honest as possible, with some sensible reticence. Have we made mistakes? Sure, plenty. But we persisted, learned from our mistakes, and, like ships in a storm, adjusted our course.

It helped that we had both seen much adversity in our lives and that we both enjoy simple pleasures. Also, we easily make each other laugh—we did on day one, and now still, after 25 years. But there was never any guarantee of success. And there still isn't, but we'll keep working at it.

It's a neat trick, but it's not real magic. It just seems that way from outside looking in.

Soulmates are made on earth, not heaven.