Wishes ARE fishes

There’s a little poem that says that if wishes were fishes we’d all have everything we wanted, but that wishes aren’t fishes; that if we want fish, we have to go out and catch the fish instead of just wishing.

But is there power in wishing something, not selfishly for ourselves, but for the benefit of others?

Life turns on a dime. For all I know, my well-being may be hanging by the thinnest of threads. Who knows where the strength of that thread comes from? I like to think that its strength comes from the well wishes bestowed on me by others. Religious people call this “the power of prayer.” So I take every good wish for me as a tangible gift that bolsters the thread that carries the weight of my wellbeing.

In that spirit, I send you my heartfelt good wishes for a peaceful, joyful, and healthy New Year.

And I am sincerely grateful for any good thoughts you may have about me.

Gaurang Thakkar
December, 2019

* If Wishes Were Fishes

** “Life turns on a dime” is a line from the Demi Moore film, Ghost.

President Donald Trump’s speech to the UN

I'm honored to be speaking at The Uhn. Boy, whatta crowd. Whatta diverse crowd. Suck it, CNN, who says colored folks don't come to my rallies.

I wanna welcome you all to my city, they love me here in New York. You won't hear it from the lame stream media but I won bigly here. They said I couldn't get to 270, but boy did I get to 270, and then some; I'm The President, can you believe it? 

Look, I'll be honest with you. The restaurant here is great, but it's a disgrace compared to the one at Mar-a-Lago; they don't even have chocolate cake. They have some gluten-free vegan shit. Next general assembly is gonna be at Mar-a-Lago. Everyone gets in at half price—chairs and water not included. You'll love Trump Water. Everybody says it's the best water. Just $5 a bottle (an extra $50 if you want water in it)

But enough about me. Did you know my beautiful penthouse apartment is just a few blocks east of here? There's still a couple of great apartments available in my building, if anyone here wants to buy one, anyone? OK, I see a few hands, I'll get one of  our guys to set up a showing, thanks.

Anyway, back to me. Before I was elected by a massive landslide, the world was a mess, but I fixed it. So if I resign next week, it's only because my work here is done. You are welcome.

Thank you, and don't forget to tip the waiters.

Proof of (Married) Life

The yearly bureaucratic hoops I have to go through  for my Thai visa is an annoyance. Thankfully, the immigration officers are always polite and helpful.

A recent new rule required that Wa and I prove we are still living together. And the way to prove this was to include in my annual visa renewal application, photos of us together inside and outside our home. How this proved anything is beyond my feeble understanding, but there it is, so we are compelled to comply.

At the immigration office, when we were asked for photos, I triumphantly declared to Wa that it was a good thing I'd bought that tripod she had not wanted me to buy. She retorted that a camera perched on a window sill would do just as well and how I keep buying useless stuff, to which I replied: not as useless as her 17 pairs of shoes and raincoats for the dogs and she went on about how my mother never liked her and that I'm too lenient on the kids and I complained that she was letting herself go with all that fried chicken...

The immigration officer interrupted, saying she was convinced we were married and no photos would be necessary.

"Photos? What photos?" we asked in unison, having forgotten the original spark for our argument. We were annoyed at this interruption and continued our argument outside.

So, my advice to genuinely married couples applying to renew their visas and having to prove they are still married and living together: just be yourselves. 

You're welcome.