After months of successfully avoiding any kind of gardening, I was finally roped in.
Wa (the wife) had tried nagging, threatening (both easy to ignore in a seasoned marriage) and Cajoling (which was fun while it lasted). But then, an unexpected and exasperated statement came out at me from left field:
"BE A MAN!" she said. Strangely, that had the desired effect.
Hell, I could be a man; I could garden. So I set out to prove it.
I began by taking a nap. It's the middle of the afternoon, f'crissake and only a fool would go out in such heat.
I awoke, some hours later, refreshed and ready to make myself a snack.
"Be a Man!" said a voice inside me, a voice I'd learned to ignore. Except this voice was really coming from the garden.
Dammit, it was Wa.
My procrastinator engine was cranking up and words were about to spew forth, but one look at the expression on Wa's face threw a spanner in the works.
I shuffled out slowly to the garden, just to show her I'm not the kind to jump when she snaps her fingers, but not so slow as to make the volcano building on her reddened face erupt. Don't try this with your wife till you've had years of husbanding experience, 'cause it's a delicate balance.
I mowed, I dug, I snipped and cut. Whatever being a man felt like, this couldn't be it.
"There, that wasn't so hard," said Wa as she approvingly surveyed the results. Laying exhausted and sweaty on the ground with angry garden insects crawling all over me, all I could say was: "beer!"
She brought me a long, cold brew and treated me like royalty for the next half hour. All in all, this was the only part of gardening I liked.
So you guys out there, if you wanna be men, go putter with some plants.
Earlier in this series:
Who says gardening isn't exercise?
I just spent an exhausting half hour watching Wa dig in the garden. She was sweating profusely as I gulped down a large glass of iced tea. I tried to help by suggesting we hire a gardener, but she brushed aside the suggestion saying "the garden's our baby and we should take care of it ourselves." I found the use of the word 'we' quite disconcerting and quickly went inside.