Some Diamonds Are Forever

Nov, 2006

You can pick your friends

And you can pick your nose (I know I do)

But you can't pick your friend's nose

-- The Dalai Lama

I was reading an article about the possible health benefits of eating your own dry boogers (don't ask). The act of doing so is called mucophagy, which sounds just about right but in my view should be followed by the suffix 'eeeeyooOOO!' or the more polite 'ugh'

We've all done the digging bit but I've only ever seen kids actually eat the stuff. Perhaps it's an evolutionary thing, to help recycle sodium or something, I don't know.

The article says in part: 

There is an Austrian doctor who has gained notoriety by advocating the picking of one's nose and the consumption of the resulting bounty, particularly in children. Dr. Friedrich Bischinger, a lung specialist working in Innsbruck, would have us believe that people who pick their noses with their fingers are healthier, happier, and more in tune with their bodies. His argument stems from the notion that exposing the body to the dried germ corpses helps to reinforce the immune system. The good doctor feels that society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking, and encourage children to take up the habit.
Dr. Bischinger has been quoted as saying (in an Austrian accent), "With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner. And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system." He then added, "Medically it makes great sense and is a perfectly natural thing to do. In terms of the immune system the nose is a filter in which a great deal of bacteria are collected, and when this mixture arrives in the intestines it works just like a medicine."

Self Medicating.

Anyway, the article reminded me of an incident that took place some three years after I got married. I was relaxing at home having a pleasant booger digging session when, just as I was twirling the resulting bounty (and what a bounty it was!) around my thumb and index finger, Wa walked in on me. She complained that I had never taken her on a honeymoon or bought her a diamond.

"You want a diamond?" I said, "come here..." I grabbed her hand and gave her a perfectly spherical one carat booger, still warm and squishy soft.

She now has real diamonds, but gets just that slight tinge of "eeeyoo" when putting them on. I get a good laugh whenever I see them on her. That's something, 'cause the diamonds aren't good for anything else.

I don't think she's kept the original 'diamond' I gave her. She's so not romantic.

Bloodless, Photo-op Coup

Thai Monks stand near a Military truck near Government House

Sep, 2006

I can't speak for how things are like in Bangkok, but just thought you'd like to know how things are here in Chiangmai.

Everything's normal except that BBC and CNN broadcasts are blocked, though not the websites. Most Thai newspaper websites are also online, though at least one outspoken one is blocked.

Just drove the girls to school and turns out the school's closed. Drove them back home. The dogs looked confused. "What! is it three already? How did we miss lunch??"

I suspect the banks will be closed today to prevent any forex exodus, just in case.

While things may be a little tense in Bangkok, the topics being discussed at Chiangmai's most popular web forum for foreigners are these:

Help! Where To Find A Maid/babysitter?

Suv Wndscreen Tint Needs To Be Replaced

--

Just read a news site that described the situation in Bangkok thusly:

Around the Royal Palace, the streets quickly cleared of tourists, but some vendors hurried to Government House and the United Nations building, where they said they hoped to make some money selling food to the soldiers.

Here's some pics:

--OK, maybe things are not that tense in bangkok after all.

AP Photo: Thais gather to watch as soldiers man a checkpoint in Bangkok, Tuesday, Sept. 19...

--OK, maybe things are not that tense in bangkok after all.

The Right Time

Sep, 2006

I read a BBC article about what's the best age to introduce your kids to computers and one interested party (spokesman from a kids computer academy) said 18 months because "using the mouse teaches motor skills". Whatever happened to playing with blocks? I'm pretty sure that teaches motor skills. I like Abia and Gigi to read books, ride their bikes and play with people, argue with each other, catch tadpoles, scrape their knees and come home dirty, and exhausted.

I give them no more than an hour a day at the computer. In spite of having several spare computers around, I didn't let them use computers at home till about a year ago.

I remember when Abia was about two, Wa spent hours teaching her to count to ten. In three languages. Meanwhile Abia was so short she was falling off the sofa every time she tried to get down. If she bumped her head, all that counting wasn't gonna do her any good. So I thought her how to get off the sofa safely.

With Gigi, we waited till she was four to teach her to count. It took just a few minutes instead of hours. Because she was four and not two. At four, she also had more use for such a skill than a two year old would. Why waste hours when you can wait two years and do it in minutes?

Plied and Pleasured It

Aug, 2006

Try and Picture it.

I've just watched a third version (or fourth, I'm losing count) of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. 

The one with Hugh Grant and Emma Thompson is still my favorite. Thompson got an Academy Award or something for the screenplay, but she just copied it off a book. How worthy is that?

Okay, that's not fair; it was a good screenplay.

Then there was the enjoyable Bollywood type version with song and dance routines that's set in modern day Amritsar, India. I guess Societally speaking, modern Amritsar is as close to Jane Austen's 18th century England as you're going to get.

I read Jane Austen in senior high. I was an avowed communist then and did not appreciate Art for Art's Sake, or stories about gentlemen of leisure living off property, though, now, I wouldn't mind being one.

Anyway, while watching this latest version of Pride and Prejudice, it occurred to me that this story would make a great porn flick:

A greedy mother desperate to get her five vampish voluptuous daughters laid by the highest bidders. Rich handsome hunks with nothing to do but chase pussy. The screenplay practically writes itself. Darcey could be 'Dicksy' and the Bennets could be the 'Bendits' and so forth.

All kinds of possibilities are occurring to me as I write this: Well-endowed actors in tight 18th century slacks; buxom actresses in white T-shirts getting caught in the wet English weather; balls (as in parties) where people meet for orgies; clothes-ripping cat-fights as sisters fight over the men...

Excuse me while I, erm, go think about this in detail...

Dispute Resolution Man

Jul, 2006

Abia & Gigi argue a lot and it gets annoying. When they come to me with a silly dispute that can't be settled (like what DVD to watch), I put a pair of underpants on my head and say: "This is a job for Captain Overpants!" and listen to their arguments and sit them down to settle the dispute by negotiating an agreement.

Captain Overpants: "keeping the world safe from squabbling sisters"

I once walked down to the living room forgetting to take the 'hat' off. Wa didn't bat an eye. She's weird.

World Cup Soccer

Jun, 2006

Thailand has gone soccer mad. The TV stations and their sponsors have successfully (and cynically, I might add) turned this world cup into a 'must watch' phenomenon. Everyone's talking about it and so no one wants to be felt left out. There's been a collective nationwide brainwash. 

I don't care much for soccer, but Wa will be watching and I'll be forced to watch with her. She's never kicked a ball in her life (except once, when she kicked mine in her sleep), but she's crazy about soccer.

I'll stock up on cheap beer so I don't have to pay too much attention to the games. Yay! GO Ronaldo! (whoever the hell he is).

She's actually thinking of buying a big screen TV to enjoy the matches. I'd much rather buy a dishwasher, 'cause at the moment, I'm the dish washer.

***

We're extending the house. I don't know why. We can't even keep the space that we now have neat and tidy; now we'll just have more space to be messy in. If messiness were a living entity, we'd have the happiest mess on the planet, 'cause ours never gets disciplined.

Of course, Wa's doing this extension on the cheap, so it may collapse. Hopefully, we're out when that happens and it just collapses on the big screen TV. Hey, I'm starting to see the upside of this already.

Wish me luck!

Update, June 2008:

Well, the extension’s done, and, as I’d expected, various issues related to bad workmanship are cropping up from time to time. Little things like, if you place a marble on the floor at one end, it rolls to the other by force of gravity.

Wa and I swear at the builder everytime an issue crops up, like a wall tile suddenly falling off. We were asked last week by an acquaintance who wants to extend his house whether we knew a builder. We said we did, but had forgotten his name as we’d been calling him “bastard” for the last two years.

I Joined a Health Club

Mar, 2006

I joined a health club recently.

The impetus came from a fitness club I discovered about a minute's drive from my favorite restaurant.

The club offers: free video rentals, a reading room with magazines, an unlimited free soft-drinks bar (which they call a 'juice bar') and a killer snack bar that stocks expensive but scrumptious pre-packaged snacks.

The large number of friendly, pretty receptionists will gladly help you exercise your flirtation skills.

They give you a free sports bag, towels, music headphones and a large water bottle which you can fill with soft drinks from the 'juice bar'

They have a large, comfy, well-stuffed leather lounge chair which is almost always occupied by some inconsiderate bastard (usually me) watching the latest video running on the large-screen TV.

Oh, and they also have some exercise machines with stuffed leather seats. These are handy to sit on after an exhausting half hour of watching the ladies' aerobics class.

Wa wants to know why I spend so much time at the fitness club and why I need larger pants. Quick, help me think of an answer!

Actually, I joined because I now find that I'm unable to keep up with the energy levels of my two little monsters, Abia and Gigi of the mafia brigade. I tell you: the exercise really makes a difference - I can now scream at them much louder!

This has the effect of shutting them up for about thirty seconds. But the neighbors sure get a fright.

Some days, when it's raining, I exercise by running up and down the stairs at home while the dogs, Bubbles and Muffins watch curiously. They're clearly impressed if the amount of drooling and tail-wagging is anything to go by.

Natasha

Feb, 2006

I was sent a link to this pic by someone who wondered what the story is with this woman. She looked to me like a Natasha, so I wrote:

Natasha loved Natasha. Even when alone, she was never lonely. Others may, at various stages of their lives, look forlorn into the distance, but Natasha was oblivious to despair, oblivious to rejection, oblivious to mockery. She suffered no doubts, harbored no fears and indulged no regrets.

She made men crazy. And not a few women, too. But in the end, she gave them what they wanted, leaving them wanting even more. Her candle burned bright at both ends, yet she still danced her way into ripe old age, dying blissfully in her sleep, next to a hunk.

That's the story of this picture.

Phone Pranks

Feb, 2006

As teenagers, my friends and I used to practice a lot of phone pranks (you know who you are). My favourite was one where we'd pretend to be calling from the Phone Company and say we were checking the line quality and politely ask the party on the other end to blow into their receivers. 

Most would do it. Then we'd ask them to blow harder. And then harder. Then we'd tell them their telephone line was fine BUT THEY HAD REALLY BAD BREATH! click.

Of course, this was before caller ID.

The Sound of Music

Jan, 2006

Driving the girls to and from school, I have a captive audience and I put on different kinds of music so they learn to appreciate diversity. I like them to listen to Jazz, because while Disney songs and pop songs have fake feelings, jazz has real feeling.

For now, they prefer the former but are warming to the latter.

We've been listening particularly to three pieces: Chuck Mangione's Feels So Good,  Grover Washington Jr's Just The Two of Us, and The Look of Love (which Abia now sings beautifully, with feeling).

I started with Feels So Good and asked the girls to close their eyes as the instrumental began to play. I explained that songs don't need to have words, that the music will speak directly to their hearts.

Me, as the lone trumpet starts slowly: 

"imagine waking up to a beautiful day. Your eyes are half open, you're sleepy, but you see the clear blue sky from your window and hear the far-away soft chirping of the birds as if they were calling you 'come enjoy the day with us'. You think of all the fun you're going to have at school"

"Do you feel it, do you feel the music?"

Abia: "yes, a little.."

Gigi, softly, but firmly: "No."

Me: "Keep your eyes closed and listen... imagine the birds getting louder. Your eyes open, you look out and see butterflies in the garden. They seem to be calling you too. You smell sausages and eggs cooking in the kitchen. You feel your heart beat to the flapping of the butterflies. You kick away the covers, get out of bed, and [as the music reaches a crescendo] rush out to the garden and feel the sun's warm morning rays hug your face..."

Gigi, suddenly and excitedly, eyes still closed: "I FEEL IT, I FEEL IT!"

That was a great moment for me, because there was no faking it; she really did feel it. The music had spoken to her.