Have a Friendly New Year

The first half of my life was fairly lousy. I won’t bore with the details. But amidst the lousiness, there were bright spots: simple friendships, the joys of which I will take to my grave. And among those bright spots, the brightest of all: one friendship in particular.

His kindness, generosity of spirit, sympathetic ear, and good humor saw me through many a dark day. His family, too, embraced me as one of their own. I never lacked for love. 

On second thought, the first half of my life wasn’t so lousy after all!

I hope all of you have a friend like the one I am fortunate to have. If not, it’s never too late; I for one continue to make wonderful friends even now.

My New Year wish for all of you is an abundance of friendships, good and great.

Happy New Year.

Gaurang Thakkar

Dec, 2020/Jan, 2021

Wishes ARE fishes

There’s a little poem that says that if wishes were fishes we’d all have everything we wanted, but that wishes aren’t fishes; that if we want fish, we have to go out and catch the fish instead of just wishing.

But is there power in wishing something, not selfishly for ourselves, but for the benefit of others?

Life turns on a dime. For all I know, my well-being may be hanging by the thinnest of threads. Who knows where the strength of that thread comes from? I like to think that its strength comes from the well wishes bestowed on me by others. Religious people call this “the power of prayer.” So I take every good wish for me as a tangible gift that bolsters the thread that carries the weight of my wellbeing.

In that spirit, I send you my heartfelt good wishes for a peaceful, joyful, and healthy New Year.

And I am sincerely grateful for any good thoughts you may have about me.

Gaurang Thakkar

December, 2019

* If Wishes Were Fishes

( https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/if-wishes-were-fishes-3/ )

** “Life turns on a dime” is a line from the Demi Moore film, Ghost.

President Donald Trump’s speech to the UN

I'm honored to be speaking at The Uhn. Boy, whatta crowd. Whatta diverse crowd. Suck it, CNN, who says colored folks don't come to my rallies.

I wanna welcome you all to my city, they love me here in New York. You won't hear it from the lame stream media but I won bigly here. They said I couldn't get to 270, but boy did I get to 270, and then some; I'm The President, can you believe it? 

Look, I'll be honest with you. The restaurant here is great, but it's a disgrace compared to the one at Mar-a-Lago; they don't even have chocolate cake. They have some gluten-free vegan shit. Next general assembly is gonna be at Mar-a-Lago. Everyone gets in at half price—chairs and water not included. You'll love Trump Water. Everybody says it's the best water. Just $5 a bottle (an extra $50 if you want water in it)

But enough about me. Did you know my beautiful penthouse apartment is just a few blocks east of here? There's still a couple of great apartments available in my building, if anyone here wants to buy one, anyone? OK, I see a few hands, I'll get one of  our guys to set up a showing, thanks.

Anyway, back to me. Before I was elected by a massive landslide, the world was a mess, but I fixed it. So if I resign next week, it's only because my work here is done. You are welcome.

Thank you, and don't forget to tip the waiters.

Proof of (Married) Life

The yearly bureaucratic hoops I have to go through  for my Thai visa is an annoyance. Thankfully, the immigration officers are always polite and helpful.

A recent new rule required that Wa and I prove we are still living together. And the way to prove this was to include in my annual visa renewal application, photos of us together inside and outside our home. How this proved anything is beyond my feeble understanding, but there it is, so we are compelled to comply.

At the immigration office, when we were asked for photos, I triumphantly declared to Wa that it was a good thing I'd bought that tripod she had not wanted me to buy. She retorted that a camera perched on a window sill would do just as well and how I keep buying useless stuff, to which I replied: not as useless as her 17 pairs of shoes and raincoats for the dogs and she went on about how my mother never liked her and that I'm too lenient on the kids and I complained that she was letting herself go with all that fried chicken...

The immigration officer interrupted, saying she was convinced we were married and no photos would be necessary.

"Photos? What photos?" we asked in unison, having forgotten the original spark for our argument. We were annoyed at this interruption and continued our argument outside.

So, my advice to genuinely married couples applying to renew their visas and having to prove they are still married and living together: just be yourselves. 

You're welcome.

Memory

We exist independent of others, but we also exist in the memories of others.

When the neurons fire up and thoughts of me appear in the brains of you, I am momentarily alive and present, wherever I may physically be, even it be six feet under.

I would hope those thoughts are warm and cuddly, otherwise my existence in your head would be a futile one. 

In Johny Thunder’s album, “So Alone” there’s a sad song titled, “You Can’t Put Your Arms Around a Memory” — but I think you can.

Lives are brief, but memories are longer. When I’m dead, no “goodbyes” please; just good memories.

Brexit Rom Com

If Britain and Europe were a rom-com movie couple, Europe would be Harry and Britain would be Sally. They squabble and they fight and they make up and they make out. They need each other, but they can't stand each other. Harry wants to settle down, but Sally wants to play the field. In the end, Sally will become old and decrepit, ridden with STD's, knock on Harry's door and beg to be taken back. Harry will look her up and down, disgusted by what he sees, shut the door and live happily ever after. Please buy my book: A Hollywood Reporter's Guide to Understanding World Events.

Learned optimism

We humans are a gloomy bunch, even when things are improving. This is because our feelings are not data-driven, but memory-driven. We rely on how easy it is to recall an example, and bad things are more memorable, because we have evolved to be cognizant of risks and dangers. 

Moreover, bad things get reported and crowd our newsfeeds. Car crashes are reported; cars reaching their destinations safely, are not.

This means that for many of us, being optimistic requires conscious effort. 

I spent much of my youth as a depressive. I had good reason to be such. I did not stop being a depressive because my luck changed, but rather, my luck changed when I stopped being depressed. I made a conscious decision to cheer the fuck up. It was an unrelated quote from Winston Churchill that stirred me to action: "Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defenses for peace must be constructed." I decided I would change my life by changing my mind.

I began by learning the hardest math of all: the math of counting my blessings. I got better with practice.

I have to work hard to remain optimistic, because I’m a natural brooder, prone to ruminating on the meaninglessness of life.

I‘m fortunate to be around people who have had very hard lives and yet have remained optimistic and are quick to delight. I‘ve watched and learned from them and so my optimism is a learned, and practiced optimism.

While some people are naturally happy, others need to make an effort. So work at it, and have a Happy (or even Happier) New Year.

Gaurang Thakkar 

December, 2018

Tookay

In the breeding season, large lizards known as “Tookay” (because of the mating sound they make) puncture the evenings with their incessant calls. The more times a lizard calls, the more likely it is to attract a mate. Thais believe that if you hear the sound “tookay” repeated seven times (a rare occurrence),  it will bering you luck. 

The other day, I suffered a major incident. I got a paper cut on my pinky and was bleeding all over my silk bathrobe. I dialed for an ambulance, but the people at the other end just laughed when I told them my predicament.

I scrambled to locate my first aid box, found it, frantically pried it open and inside was a gecko and some ants. I grabbed the gecko, squeezing its tummy, causing its long tongue to shoot out, licking my wound. Miraculously, my wound healed instantly.

Over the next several days, my physiology changed, I could climb walls--buildings even, craved insects and could bring the ladies to ecstasy with my long tongue.

Wa wasn't impressed. All she wanted was for me to say "tookay" seven times, after which she rushed off to buy a lottery, leaving me, mateless.

Merry Christmas

A lesser known Bible trivia is that when Joseph discovered that his soon to be wife, Mary, was pregnant, he decided to keep quiet about this premarital pregnancy to preserve decorum, and his reputation. He planned to quietly separate from Mary later. An angel addresses Joseph’s anxiety about his reputation: “Do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife because what is conceived in her is from The Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son and you are to give him the name ‘Jesus’ because he will save people from their sins.”

The angel is asking Joseph to take his eyes off himself and to focus instead on the child being carried by Mary. Instead of attempting to save himself, the angel points to Christ as The Savior. And this may be the key to breaking from our distress of worrying what others think of us—we should rather think about something other then ourselves.

Author C.S. Lewis described how he struggled to find happiness and how he came to believe in that babe born on that first Christmas. The secret, he says, is not to spend time promoting oneself. Instead, we should seek humility. “Humility,” says Lewis, “is not thinking *less* of yourself, but thinking *of* yourself, less.”

Joseph almost made a catastrophic error by focusing too much on himself, his own reputation. The angel reminded him to look beyond himself, because salvation came not from within, but from without. 

And THAT is the Good News of Christmas—the Good News is to be found in the joy we can bring to others.

Merry Christmas.

Dec., 2018.

You look like a Trillion dollars, to me.

In August, 2018 Apple became the first ever Trillion Dollar Company.

My mom, even in her late seventies, insisted on being independent, living alone in her Mumbai apartment, making her own tea, cooking her own food, shopping for her own groceries. She would occasionally chat with her neighbors, who were kind and always, they assured us, at her service if she ever needed anything, and would check up on her regularly. She’d visit nearby relatives and stay for days. They’d visit her.

In her eighties, she began to weaken, couldn’t leave the house as much. The neighbors shopped for her. We hired a maid to cook for her. She complained about the food, we changed maids—again and again, but it was never *just right* 

As she became more isolated, we worried more than usual. But she was still happy to be independent. I got her an iPad. At first it was just for FaceTime. She loved it and we talked often. Then on her next annual visit to us in Thailand, I set it up so that she had only a few icons to worry about. I showed her music, and YouTube and how to search for her favorite shows and old Bollywood movies. I installed Hindi and Gujarati keyboards. She mastered what she needed to and she was delighted.

She’s 88 now and lives with us here in Thailand, too frail to be independent. She had to be persuaded, but she’s settled in now and happy. I learned to cook so I could make the foods she likes. Even better, Wa makes soups that she loves; it’s easier for her than chewing. But mostly she’s happy because I’m close by and because she has her iPad, and most of our relatives in India have iPads and she can FaceTime them anytime she wants. When they have family get togethers, she joins in via FaceTime. And she can listen to religious hymns and sing along, and watch old Bollywood films she’d heard about in her youth but couldn’t afford to watch.

She cannot imagine her life without her iPad. To me and to her, that’s a trillion dollar gift, from Apple, to us.

http://www.thakkar.info/2018/08/you-look-like-trillion-dollars-to-me.html