I'm honored to be speaking at The Uhn. Boy, whatta crowd. Whatta diverse crowd. Suck it, CNN, who says colored folks don't come to my rallies.
I wanna welcome you all to my city, they love me here in New York. You won't hear it from the lame stream media but I won bigly here. They said I couldn't get to 270, but boy did I get to 270, and then some; I'm The President, can you believe it?
Look, I'll be honest with you. The restaurant here is great, but it's a disgrace compared to the one at Mar-a-Lago; they don't even have chocolate cake. They have some gluten-free vegan shit. Next general assembly is gonna be at Mar-a-Lago. Everyone gets in at half price—chairs and water not included. You'll love Trump Water. Everybody says it's the best water. Just $5 a bottle (an extra $50 if you want water in it)
But enough about me. Did you know my beautiful penthouse apartment is just a few blocks east of here? There's still a couple of great apartments available in my building, if anyone here wants to buy one, anyone? OK, I see a few hands, I'll get one of our guys to set up a showing, thanks.
Anyway, back to me. Before I was elected by a massive landslide, the world was a mess, but I fixed it. So if I resign next week, it's only because my work here is done. You are welcome.
Thank you, and don't forget to tip the waiters.