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Brexit Rom Com
Learned optimism
We humans are a gloomy bunch, even when things are improving. This is because our feelings are not data-driven, but memory-driven. We rely on how easy it is to recall an example, and bad things are more memorable, because we have evolved to be cognizant of risks and dangers.
Moreover, bad things get reported and crowd our newsfeeds. Car crashes are reported; cars reaching their destinations safely, are not.
This means that for many of us, being optimistic requires conscious effort.
I spent much of my youth as a depressive. I had good reason to be such. I did not stop being a depressive because my luck changed, but rather, my luck changed when I stopped being depressed. I made a conscious decision to cheer the fuck up. It was an unrelated quote from Winston Churchill that stirred me to action: "Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defenses for peace must be constructed." I decided I would change my life by changing my mind.
I began by learning the hardest math of all: the math of counting my blessings. I got better with practice.
I have to work hard to remain optimistic, because I’m a natural brooder, prone to ruminating on the meaninglessness of life.
I‘m fortunate to be around people who have had very hard lives and yet have remained optimistic and are quick to delight. I‘ve watched and learned from them and so my optimism is a learned, and practiced optimism.
While some people are naturally happy, others need to make an effort. So work at it, and have a Happy (or even Happier) New Year.
Gaurang Thakkar
December, 2018
Tookay
In the breeding season, large lizards known as “Tookay” (because of the mating sound they make) puncture the evenings with their incessant calls. The more times a lizard calls, the more likely it is to attract a mate. Thais believe that if you hear the sound “tookay” repeated seven times (a rare occurrence), it will bering you luck.
The other day, I suffered a major incident. I got a paper cut on my pinky and was bleeding all over my silk bathrobe. I dialed for an ambulance, but the people at the other end just laughed when I told them my predicament.
I scrambled to locate my first aid box, found it, frantically pried it open and inside was a gecko and some ants. I grabbed the gecko, squeezing its tummy, causing its long tongue to shoot out, licking my wound. Miraculously, my wound healed instantly.
Over the next several days, my physiology changed, I could climb walls--buildings even, craved insects and could bring the ladies to ecstasy with my long tongue.
Wa wasn't impressed. All she wanted was for me to say "tookay" seven times, after which she rushed off to buy a lottery, leaving me, mateless.
Merry Christmas
A lesser known Bible trivia is that when Joseph discovered that his soon to be wife, Mary, was pregnant, he decided to keep quiet about this premarital pregnancy to preserve decorum, and his reputation. He planned to quietly separate from Mary later. An angel addresses Joseph’s anxiety about his reputation: “Do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife because what is conceived in her is from The Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son and you are to give him the name ‘Jesus’ because he will save people from their sins.”
The angel is asking Joseph to take his eyes off himself and to focus instead on the child being carried by Mary. Instead of attempting to save himself, the angel points to Christ as The Savior. And this may be the key to breaking from our distress of worrying what others think of us—we should rather think about something other then ourselves.
Author C.S. Lewis described how he struggled to find happiness and how he came to believe in that babe born on that first Christmas. The secret, he says, is not to spend time promoting oneself. Instead, we should seek humility. “Humility,” says Lewis, “is not thinking *less* of yourself, but thinking *of* yourself, less.”
Joseph almost made a catastrophic error by focusing too much on himself, his own reputation. The angel reminded him to look beyond himself, because salvation came not from within, but from without.
And THAT is the Good News of Christmas—the Good News is to be found in the joy we can bring to others.
Merry Christmas.
Dec., 2018.
You look like a Trillion dollars, to me.
In August, 2018 Apple became the first ever Trillion Dollar Company.
My mom, even in her late seventies, insisted on being independent, living alone in her Mumbai apartment, making her own tea, cooking her own food, shopping for her own groceries. She would occasionally chat with her neighbors, who were kind and always, they assured us, at her service if she ever needed anything, and would check up on her regularly. She’d visit nearby relatives and stay for days. They’d visit her.
In her eighties, she began to weaken, couldn’t leave the house as much. The neighbors shopped for her. We hired a maid to cook for her. She complained about the food, we changed maids—again and again, but it was never *just right*
As she became more isolated, we worried more than usual. But she was still happy to be independent. I got her an iPad. At first it was just for FaceTime. She loved it and we talked often. Then on her next annual visit to us in Thailand, I set it up so that she had only a few icons to worry about. I showed her music, and YouTube and how to search for her favorite shows and old Bollywood movies. I installed Hindi and Gujarati keyboards. She mastered what she needed to and she was delighted.
She’s 88 now and lives with us here in Thailand, too frail to be independent. She had to be persuaded, but she’s settled in now and happy. I learned to cook so I could make the foods she likes. Even better, Wa makes soups that she loves; it’s easier for her than chewing. But mostly she’s happy because I’m close by and because she has her iPad, and most of our relatives in India have iPads and she can FaceTime them anytime she wants. When they have family get togethers, she joins in via FaceTime. And she can listen to religious hymns and sing along, and watch old Bollywood films she’d heard about in her youth but couldn’t afford to watch.
She cannot imagine her life without her iPad. To me and to her, that’s a trillion dollar gift, from Apple, to us.
http://www.thakkar.info/2018/08/you-look-like-trillion-dollars-to-me.html
Have a fearless New Year
Non abbiate paura : Be not afraid
~ Pope John Paul II
Throughout most of our evolution we were a weak, defenseless animal trying to survive in a hostile environment. The cautious among those lived long enough to pass on their genes. We are their progeny, and we are naturally fearful.
But today, as a species, at this stage of our development, we are also king of the hill.
Parents try to do the best for their kids. But we also do a lot of damage, unintentionally. We pass on our fears and insecurities, and not just genetically. It takes special effort to realize this, and heroic effort to avoid it. Every time we tell them to “be careful” or “don’t talk to strangers” we inadvertently diminish their bravery.
For most of those reading this, our lives are reasonably secure, reasonably free from danger and reasonably prosperous. We are members of a species that is king of the hill. We have little to fear. This lack of fear is, ideally, what we should be passing on to our kids, to help them unlearn—even if it’s just a little bit—the results of eons of evolution.
Whenever I feel despair at our broken world, I sit myself down and listen to Beethoven’s, Ode to Joy, to lift my spirits and as a reminder to trust my hopes, not my fears.
I wish you a New Year free from fear.
Gaurang Thakkar
January, 2018.
Soulmates
March 9, 2017
Wa and I have been married 25 years today. I can't imagine anyone else who could've put up with my idiosyncratic ways. To be fair to myself, I've been pretty good at putting up with her ways too.
It almost feels as if we were made for each other—soulmates, as they say. But really, it feels like that the way a magic performance, if it's done well, feels like a display of magic.
Thinking about it, it's clear that nothing was "meant to be." We made it be. We worked at it by being respectful, considerate, forgiving and quietly insistent where necessary; as honest as possible, with some sensible reticence. Have we made mistakes? Sure, plenty. But we persisted, learned from our mistakes, and, like ships in a storm, adjusted our course.
It helped that we had both seen much adversity in our lives and that we both enjoy simple pleasures. Also, we easily make each other laugh—we did on day one, and now still, after 25 years. But there was never any guarantee of success. And there still isn't, but we'll keep working at it.
It's a neat trick, but it's not real magic. It just seems that way from outside looking in.
Soulmates are made on earth, not heaven.
“Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.” -Ursula K. Le Guin, author.
Wa and I have been married 25 years today. I can't imagine anyone else who could've put up with my idiosyncratic ways. To be fair to myself, I've been pretty good at putting up with her ways too.
It almost feels as if we were made for each other—soulmates, as they say. But really, it feels like that the way a magic performance, if it's done well, feels like a display of magic.
Thinking about it, it's clear that nothing was "meant to be." We made it be. We worked at it by being respectful, considerate, forgiving and quietly insistent where necessary; as honest as possible, with some sensible reticence. Have we made mistakes? Sure, plenty. But we persisted, learned from our mistakes, and, like ships in a storm, adjusted our course.
It helped that we had both seen much adversity in our lives and that we both enjoy simple pleasures. Also, we easily make each other laugh—we did on day one, and now still, after 25 years. But there was never any guarantee of success. And there still isn't, but we'll keep working at it.
It's a neat trick, but it's not real magic. It just seems that way from outside looking in.
Soulmates are made on earth, not heaven.
A Non Believer's Parable
Ah! what a divine religion might be found out if charity were really made the principle of it instead of faith. -Percy Bysshe Shelley, poet (1792-1822)
A non believer's parable.
I don't believe in past lives or afterlives; in rewards and retributions doled out by a magic man in the sky, or a universe inexplicably prearranged to take account of such things.
There's no reason to do good or be good just to fulfil any religious tenets, to claim rewards or escape punishments. The only reason to do good and be good is because it is the right way to live our lives.
As such it's important to set aside some of our time and resources to fulfil the needs of others, be they family, friends, strangers you will never meet, people less fortunate, our environment and its creatures. Why? No reason—not for self-fulfilment or to make ourselves feel better or to pry some sort of meaning out of our puny lives. No reason at all. Except that it is the right thing to do. We know it is. There need be no reason.
Here's my parable:
A monk dedicated his life to tending a garden at a monastery, a garden that teemed with all kinds of plant, insect and small animal life. One day, as he laboured in the garden, the Angel Gabriel appeared before him and said it was his time to go to heaven. "I'm busy," said the monk. "These flowers are about to bloom and the bees will come for the nectar. I need to properly water the flower beds." So the Angel left, to return another day. Years passed and each time the Angel appeared, the monk would say he was not ready, that the garden needed him. Finally one day, when the monk was old and weak and arthritic, he said to Gabriel, "you may take me now, I'm ready to go to heaven."
And Gabriel replied, "where do you think you've been all this time?"
From my lowly domain in a secondary city of a minor Asian country on this tiny third rock from an ordinary star at the edge of an unremarkable galaxy located in a nondescript part of a universe that's possibly just one of many universes, I want to strive to be like that monk. But without the gardening. I hate gardening.
Whatever your beliefs, may you tend to the garden of your choice, and do so for no reason at all.
Gaurang Thakkar
A non believer's parable.
I don't believe in past lives or afterlives; in rewards and retributions doled out by a magic man in the sky, or a universe inexplicably prearranged to take account of such things.
There's no reason to do good or be good just to fulfil any religious tenets, to claim rewards or escape punishments. The only reason to do good and be good is because it is the right way to live our lives.
As such it's important to set aside some of our time and resources to fulfil the needs of others, be they family, friends, strangers you will never meet, people less fortunate, our environment and its creatures. Why? No reason—not for self-fulfilment or to make ourselves feel better or to pry some sort of meaning out of our puny lives. No reason at all. Except that it is the right thing to do. We know it is. There need be no reason.
Here's my parable:
A monk dedicated his life to tending a garden at a monastery, a garden that teemed with all kinds of plant, insect and small animal life. One day, as he laboured in the garden, the Angel Gabriel appeared before him and said it was his time to go to heaven. "I'm busy," said the monk. "These flowers are about to bloom and the bees will come for the nectar. I need to properly water the flower beds." So the Angel left, to return another day. Years passed and each time the Angel appeared, the monk would say he was not ready, that the garden needed him. Finally one day, when the monk was old and weak and arthritic, he said to Gabriel, "you may take me now, I'm ready to go to heaven."
And Gabriel replied, "where do you think you've been all this time?"
From my lowly domain in a secondary city of a minor Asian country on this tiny third rock from an ordinary star at the edge of an unremarkable galaxy located in a nondescript part of a universe that's possibly just one of many universes, I want to strive to be like that monk. But without the gardening. I hate gardening.
Whatever your beliefs, may you tend to the garden of your choice, and do so for no reason at all.
Gaurang Thakkar
Happy "us" year
"We" are all "us"
This winter, I had the privilege of visits by friends and family from various places, and of all ethnicities and religions.
It was exhausting; I missed thirty straight afternoons of naps.
On the plus side, the experience brought me renowned hope at a time of despairing world events.
The daily gabs reminded me how alike we all are: we love our families, fear the unknown, crave companionship and security, want to worship in peace, and want good health. The fulfillment of such wants need not be achieved by taking anything away from anyone else.
Tribalism was once ascendant but Civilization and growing enlightenment is nudging us ever closer to mutual respect and the humanization of those who are "not like us"—because, under the skin, "they" are no different than "us".
Today, Civilization is measured by how we treat the weakest, and the full realization that there is no "us" or "them" is the guiding light that we are, albeit with some fits and starts, bound to follow.
My wish for the new year is that we, all of us, embrace our shared humanity and move ever closer towards that light, and that we have a safe, rewarding journey.
Happy "us" year, one and all.
This winter, I had the privilege of visits by friends and family from various places, and of all ethnicities and religions.
It was exhausting; I missed thirty straight afternoons of naps.
On the plus side, the experience brought me renowned hope at a time of despairing world events.
The daily gabs reminded me how alike we all are: we love our families, fear the unknown, crave companionship and security, want to worship in peace, and want good health. The fulfillment of such wants need not be achieved by taking anything away from anyone else.
Tribalism was once ascendant but Civilization and growing enlightenment is nudging us ever closer to mutual respect and the humanization of those who are "not like us"—because, under the skin, "they" are no different than "us".
Today, Civilization is measured by how we treat the weakest, and the full realization that there is no "us" or "them" is the guiding light that we are, albeit with some fits and starts, bound to follow.
My wish for the new year is that we, all of us, embrace our shared humanity and move ever closer towards that light, and that we have a safe, rewarding journey.
Happy "us" year, one and all.
The Echos of Our Past
December, 2015
It's not about what you're called, but what you answer to - African Proverb
~~
In our lives, shit happens.
More important than the things that happen, are the things that resonate. The quality of our lives doesn't just depend on the things that happen to us. It depends equally on how we react and deal with what happens and what part of all that resonates over time.
We all know what lies on the other side of positivity and contentment. We know because that is where we spend much of our time. That place is strewn with all the detritus of the miserable parts of our lives—failed relationships, busted business ventures, regrets and bad decisions. It echoes with laments and smells of bad eggs. In such chambers, we moan and sigh and scratch our scabs. As the song says, "it feels so good to feel so bad."
It doesn't have to be that way. The past is gone, and though we live with the consequences, both good and bad, we can cultivate the habit of accentuating the positive.
As a brown person with a bullying father and penniless pockets growing up in racist, hectic, money-grubbing Hong Kong, I faced my share of bigotry, hardship and despair, and my tales of woe are many. The things that resonate the most though are the instances of generosity, kindness and good humor:
The all-Chinese schoolmates who took me into the fold with nary a thought, the teachers who gladly sacrificed their personal break times to help me with my Chinese, the neighbor who kept their door ajar for me to go watch their new color TV any time I wanted, the family that learned to make curry potatoes and purchased spoons and forks so they could invite us over for vegetarian meals, the friend's Amah who took me for Yum Cha on her breaks many a Sunday, the grocer who gave me a free Vitasoy when my coins didn't add up to the requisite twenty cents, the neighborhood tailor who professionally sewed on my Boy Scout merit badges in exchange for teaching him a few Indian words that he had no use for, the bookstore owner who gave me a much-needed part time job and paid me a generous wage, the factory owners who gave me hundreds of thousands in credit on a mere promise to pay and helped me establish my business, and, best of all, my best friend's family, who embraced me as their own and who, after half a century are still my family and my friend, still my best friend, and brother.
That is the Hong Kong and the childhood I cherish and that resonates.
Of all the noises in our lives, let's allow the sweeter sounds more resonance.
Happy new year.
Gaurang Thakkar
copyleft asserted: https://gnu.org/copyleft/copyleft.en.html
It's not about what you're called, but what you answer to - African Proverb
~~
In our lives, shit happens.
More important than the things that happen, are the things that resonate. The quality of our lives doesn't just depend on the things that happen to us. It depends equally on how we react and deal with what happens and what part of all that resonates over time.
We all know what lies on the other side of positivity and contentment. We know because that is where we spend much of our time. That place is strewn with all the detritus of the miserable parts of our lives—failed relationships, busted business ventures, regrets and bad decisions. It echoes with laments and smells of bad eggs. In such chambers, we moan and sigh and scratch our scabs. As the song says, "it feels so good to feel so bad."
It doesn't have to be that way. The past is gone, and though we live with the consequences, both good and bad, we can cultivate the habit of accentuating the positive.
As a brown person with a bullying father and penniless pockets growing up in racist, hectic, money-grubbing Hong Kong, I faced my share of bigotry, hardship and despair, and my tales of woe are many. The things that resonate the most though are the instances of generosity, kindness and good humor:
The all-Chinese schoolmates who took me into the fold with nary a thought, the teachers who gladly sacrificed their personal break times to help me with my Chinese, the neighbor who kept their door ajar for me to go watch their new color TV any time I wanted, the family that learned to make curry potatoes and purchased spoons and forks so they could invite us over for vegetarian meals, the friend's Amah who took me for Yum Cha on her breaks many a Sunday, the grocer who gave me a free Vitasoy when my coins didn't add up to the requisite twenty cents, the neighborhood tailor who professionally sewed on my Boy Scout merit badges in exchange for teaching him a few Indian words that he had no use for, the bookstore owner who gave me a much-needed part time job and paid me a generous wage, the factory owners who gave me hundreds of thousands in credit on a mere promise to pay and helped me establish my business, and, best of all, my best friend's family, who embraced me as their own and who, after half a century are still my family and my friend, still my best friend, and brother.
That is the Hong Kong and the childhood I cherish and that resonates.
Of all the noises in our lives, let's allow the sweeter sounds more resonance.
Happy new year.
Gaurang Thakkar
copyleft asserted: https://gnu.org/copyleft/copyleft.en.html
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